Resolving Disputes
Talking with your neighbour
Try to talk with your neighbour face to face. Tthis is much better than pushing notes through the door or banging on the wall. Think about what you want to say, and be clear about what the problem is, how you feel and what you want.When you go to meet them, be calm and friendly. Say that you would be glad if you could talk together to sort things out. Tell your neighbour what the problem is, how you feel and how it affects you. Try to use non-blaming language, for example "When I hear your TV after 11.30pm I can't get to sleep and I feel very tired and irritable" is much better than "You're very inconsiderate with your loud TV, keeping me awake all night".
Listening
Listen to what your neighbour has to say in return; they have a point of view, even if you don't agree with it. By listening as well as talking, you help to build a good atmosphere. Problems are often solved when people feel they have been heard.Problem solving
Look for common ground, and make sure you bring all the issues into the open. Approach it as if you and your neighbour are getting together to solve a common problem. Be open to your neighbour's suggestions, and look at all the options before picking the best one for you both. Try to find a co-operative solution in which you both participate.General hints
- Approach your neighbour before you are too angry or upset to deal with them reasonably.
- Avoid interrupting, shouting and verbal abuse.
- Don't blame, accuse, point your finger or make threats, as this will only make things worse for you both.
- Don't assume people are doing things just to annoy you. Your neighbour may not know what is really bothering you if you have never told them.
- Concentrate on what you want to happen in the future rather than blaming for past events. Avoid bringing up things that have nothing to do with the present problem.
- Don't agree to solutions you think are unfair, just for a quiet life.